Jeff's Reviews

Thoughts on every movie I've ever seen.

Starship Troopers (1997)

Directed by Paul Verhoeven

Starring Casper Van Dien, Denise Richards, Dina Meyer, Jake Busey


I can’t believe how much gore and sex is in this movie. It’s hilarious. Was it meant to be funny? Will anyone ever make a serious space monster movie?

The story is crap. There was a hint of real feeling there for a few moments, but horrible character writing overall. The kids stomping on the bugs (they were real!) and the woman laughing were hilarious. Twenty minutes for a fuck scene was really funny because it was so out of context. The Brain Bug capture was kind of almost anti-climactic. Having everyone die was pretty cool, you don’t see that too often.

Futuristic implausibility. Why advanced computer systems couldn’t detect an incoming asteroid, I have no idea. Why do they resort to such medieval punishments as whipping and hanging. Why don’t they send in robots to fight? Why there is no Air Force? Why don’t they just use Raid Fogger? Why does she get a funeral and service and no one else? Strange how high school kids sent all over the galaxy all happen to reunite. A zillion factual errors (i.e. instant phone calls millions of light years away), but we’re not supposed to care.

An incredible amount of special effects, probably the most I have ever seen in a film. The insect effects were great, battle scenes were pretty good. Rampant human mutilation. Heads getting blown off or cut off left and right. Same Independence Day alien dissection, with a body popping open when the skin is broken, with the same unrealistic snotty, rubber cement-looking goo on the inside. I hate pointless special effects. Why would test scores be on a huge screen visible across campus? Cinematography is cheesy, trying to get the cool shot when it’s not needed. Almost Emmerichian. A guy looks into camera, yelling “Get away!” Horrible.

Doogie was cast pretty well, but Van Dien is the most generic actor in the most generic role in history. He’s good-looking, perfect skin, hair, and eyes. Is that genetic selection or Hollywood casting at it’s worst? I wish girls liked me the way they liked Rico. Both girls are really cute. Unbelievable nude shower scene. The sargeant from Shawshank Redemption is too normal looking to be a leader. He brings nothing original, would have been better as a sidekick character as he was in Shawshank. “Saved By the Bell”-calibre acting and writing cliches.

Seems like it was cookie-cut to appeal internationally, with a generic-looking star named Rico and lots of senseless eye candy.

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