Jeff's Reviews

Thoughts on every movie I've ever seen.

recent product reviews

Empire of the Sun (1987)

Reviewed on Aug 7, 2005

Pretty good as a poignant biography, but it meanders a bit. Not quite sure what story is being told. Spielberg’s movie’s are too “perfect.” Too fomulaic, too staged, too scripted. And he seems to have a things for WWII, prison camps, and innocent young boys. Pretty nice cast. Bale is…

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March of the Penguins (2005)

Reviewed on Jul 31, 2005

Educational and fun. Like an IMAX film, but more dramatic. In fact, the images of the dead ones are almost *too* dramatic… Freeman’s raspy, articulate voice exudes wisdom. His excellent voiceover gives the story credibility and encourages us to listen to every word. Great music and lots of beautiful photography,…

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Wild Zero (1999)

Reviewed on Jul 29, 2005

A rock n’ roll space zombie movie. Obviously inflluenced by 60’s horror, Tarantino, the Monkees, and the director’s admiration of American music and spirit. The story goes from completely random to uninteresting. Amateurishly shot, shit acting, silly humor. Total cheese. How could slow-moving zombies cause that much trouble?

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Con Air (1997)

Reviewed on Jul 26, 2005

Typical Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer mid-90’s bubblegum crap. Surprised it didn’t come from them. Great cast. Cage is in amazing shape. Steroids? He also sounds a bit like Forrest Gump.

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Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Reviewed on Jul 20, 2005

A pretty good boxing movie. Good, clean story structure, pretty dramatic. Swank does a great job, definitely an Oscar vehicle. She plays a lovable, good-looking, white trash chick who doesn’t fuck around, much like Patricia Arquette’s Alabama in True Romance. The whispering Eastwood is, once again, hard to understand.

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Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Reviewed on Jul 8, 2005

The same playful wit and sexual identity storyline as the first one, and similar to Sex in the City. Zellweger is quite the porker. Is that really necessary? If the idea is to keep her ugly enough for the story, I don’t think porking up is the answer. She’s distinctive…

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Cat People (1982)

Reviewed on Jul 7, 2005

Most movies of this period were pretty awkward, but Schrader succeeds. A nice mix of sensuality and blood. Lots of beautiful, rarely gratuitous nudity. Pleasantly long. Even the almost cheesy 80’s synth score is nice. One of the first “adult” movies I ever saw.

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War of the Worlds (2005)

Reviewed on Jun 28, 2005

I’ve been waiting many years for a good science fiction movie to take alien invasion seriously, and when I heard about this project, I became very excited. I was sure Spielberg would improve on the original, making it more believable, more dramatic, and more exciting. But it was only a…

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The Notebook (2004)

Reviewed on Jun 27, 2005

Yes, it’s romantic. I can see how the chicks love it. But the first half is pretty boring. It’s the second half, which focused more on the older characters, which really pulled the heartstrings. Gosling and McAdams are clones of Christian Bale and Jennifer Garner. Gosling was a cute girl…

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Love Stinks (1999)

Reviewed on Jun 21, 2005

Could have been better but Stewart is neither dramatic nor funny. Bateman’s got more charisma in his 5 minutes of screentime. Stewart’s shining moment is when he farts in bed. Wilson’s a sexy chick with Cameron Diaz-like rawness to her.

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